lhawx24

I’m 6 months out now from my first child. I think I expected the extreme-ness of those first 1-3 months. It was “the upside down”, but that was ok. My husband was home for the first four weeks, everyone was calling to check in, we had a BRAND NEW baby. Not to say I wasn’t overwhelmed at times, but it all felt very “normal”. What was the hardest for me, was around 3.5/4 months – 6 months (I was graced with a six month leave from my tech job at 80% pay – something I am SO fortunate for), I felt my worst. My husband was back at work, I was sole care providing for this completely dependent, honestly still kind of boring, being 10 hours a day – and I was miserable. The monotony, the relentlessness, not knowing what was causing the fussiness (is it teething? Is it the 4 month regression?!). And I found myself actually lying out in the world about how old my child was! I wanted to say “oh he’s two months” or “just turned three months”, as if that justified how I was feeling – like somehow a light switched at three months and I was supposed to be thriving, and working out, and having my shit together. I took this to my weekly therapist (and psychiatrist – was on 100mg of Zoloft all throughout pregnancy, and went up to 150mg around this time because I was clearly struggling) who of course worked with me on giving myself permission to feel however I was feeling – and came with data that backed up that 4-8 months is f*cking hard!!!! All that to say – when I was deep in this, I think what I needed to hear is “other people also experience this (because who really cares if it’s “normal”?) there is no light switch at 3 months, but your baby will grow, become more self sufficient, be able to play by himself for more minutes at a time – this will pass, like all things, but you’ve also just experienced one of the most radical life changes a person can go through. Feel it. You can both grieve your “care free” pre baby life and how little logistics it took to just exist, and also love your child very deeply – (but also that took a couple months for me to really feel that deep bond and love!)”. My heart goes out there to each and every new mom (parent really) working their way through the trenches of new parenthood.