Marinara

SUCH a difficult question, right? I’m 41 and gave birth to my one and only little girl when I was 40. It was a highly desired pregnancy but I still struggled with ambivalence – we had a great life, traveled, had our pets to absorb all our love, and life was finally feeling really solid. Why mess it up, right? It’s hard to answer this question because after you have a baby you can’t imagine life without her and it changes you so completely and (speaking for myself here) you may feel guilty if you’re not enjoying every moment. But I’ll be really honest with you that it’s been hard. Like really, really HARD. The energy and patience that have been required, the way it changes everything that you thought you knew about yourself and who you are, the ways you have to adjust – it’s hard in ways I could never have imagined. Now my experience it a bit complicated because I was diagnosed with cancer when I was seven months postpartum but honestly being a parent was a bigger shock to my system. Maybe it gets easier when your baby can communicate with you, tell you what they want instead of fussing and crying, or maybe it’s always hard, time will tell. But I think we need to be more honest with each other about the hard parts. Otherwise, you can end up feeling like there’s something wrong with you (like why can’t I handle this when everyone else seems to be doing so great with no issues).