Naomi W

Anonymous Struggling Mom, this was exactly my experience! We tried potty training my daughter just before she turned 3 (we were quarantining for a week and decided to just go for it). After trying literally everything for six days straight, she came out victorious – kept saying “I don’t LIKE that idea” to suggestions of using the potty, and at the end of the week took the (empty) sticker chart off the wall, handed it to me and said “We don’t need this because I am NOT going to use the potty”. I cried at various points that week.
We moved to pull ups instead of diapers so as not to go “back” to a previous stage, and I just didn’t try again, although I’d mention it every so often. Then one day in the May before she started Pre-K I genuinely forgot to bring a clean pull-up for her after swimming. We were out for the day, so I seriously explained that she would have to tell me when she needed a wee or the car seat, etc. would be wet. The first time she did we were outside and she wee-d on the grass in a secluded area. We just rolled with it from there and she didn’t wear a pull-up again! From that day she was “trained” for both daytime and nighttime, and I put it down to her being entirely ready.
I know the despair you’re feeling, but take heart – when it actually happens it will be easy because she’s older. I still shudder when I think of the potty training week we had, though – it is without a doubt incredibly stressful. Be kind to yourself. It’ll happen!

Please, please read this (now vintage) Dear Sugar column: https://therumpus.net/2011/04/21/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/
If you don’t want to click the link, just Google “Dear Sugar Ghost Ship”. It is thoughtful and moving, and I hope it helps!