ManyHatsMama

I get this. There have been so many times when I wish my mom supported me differently. After our first was born and I was brand new to motherhood, she made every interaction about her and how I made her feel. There was no balance. It took me a long time to realize that our relationship had shifted and she had stopped being a mom to me. She became critical and mean. She used sarcasm as a veil and sometimes tried to gaslight me. While we are in a better place now I will never share deeply with her ever again. The trust is gone.

We celebrate together so that my spouse can be with his mom too (my parents live out of state). But I do not take any responsibility for gifts or cards for his side of the family for birthdays, Christmas, and Mother’s/Father’s days. I was clear about this when we were engaged. If I have ideas, I share them with him but it is on him to get his family things.

Lots of added stress for me this Mother’s Day. My relationship with my Mom is strained because she continues to have high expectations for this holiday and if her gifts and card do not arrive before Sunday, I will hear about it. And while I sent a card from me, I didn’t send a card to her from her grandsons (5-yrs & 6-months), something I have done in the past. So, I’m already bracing myself because I’m sure she will share her disappointment on that account. For me, it has been 5 years of Mother’s Days and my partner hasn’t yet stepped up to make the day feel much different. I will likely get a card but other than that it is business as usual. Because I don’t want to act like my Mother, it has been hard for me to share my expectations for Mother’s Day. I am still finding the balance of wanting that extra show of love and support while not making anyone feel guilty when that doesn’t happen.