sfkrug18

This thread has so much great insight and perspective. I’m already a parent and I’m getting a lot from this discussion. I agree with so much of what others have said.

I would say first, trust your gut. And second, consider if you truly trust your partner.

I went to therapy for a solid year before we had our daughter specifically to work through this decision the first time. I also had a miscarriage before we had her, and that experience solidified that I did want to be a mom.

The first two years have been hard for me physically and mentally (postpartum, in my experience, was a solid 2 year phase). Being a parent is hard at times for sure, but often it’s more the stress of all the other life things on top of being a parent that I think make it harder. I did not love the newborn stage. But I’ve enjoyed every phase more as she’s gotten older (she’s 2.5 now).

I’ve recently been considering part 2 of this question: “Should I have a baby again?” I finally feel ready-ish for #2. (As a close friend and mom of 2 pointed out, you’re never completely ready, so don’t wait for some perfect moment that makes you think you are.) But I also second guess that sometimes, like “am I crazy??? But people do this all the time!” Ultimately it really does come down to the life my husband and I want to build together, and thinking decades ahead to the big family I want to be surrounded by when I’m old and gray.

I should also say, my husband has a very high instinct for helping and taking care of people, to a degree that I haven’t often seen in most men. He pulls aloooooot of weight doing things that usually mothers are left to do, which seems less common. I have at least a few friends who, because of this, are either divorced after kids, or don’t want a second because they know they’ll basically be doing it on their own. But I have a high level of trust in my husband to show up as a true and equal partner in parenting, and we both know our lives will feel more fulfilled with children.

Great thread, thanks to all who’ve shared.