talia.lerner@gmail.com

This is so well said. SO much of the stress of parenting is dealing with your changed expectations of your partner. Talk about that beforehand, thoroughly, and things will go much more smoothly.
In terms of whether or not to have a kid at all – imagine not just how hard it will be to have a baby, but what it will be like to see your kid(s) grow up, change, develop interests and personalities, move out, have their own kids, come home for the holidays to visit, etc. It’s a whole life of family, not just the (relatively short) period where you clean up poop every day.