tberk

My son was very similar to struggling mom’s daughter – he was totally aware of when he needed to pee and could handle being in underwear with no accidents but was reluctant (ok, absolutely refused) to use the potty or toilet. One day when we were trying to negotiate with him to wear underwear and use the potty, and he was having a total meltdown about removing his diaper, I stopped and looked at him and said “Ok, I am not going to force you. But can you tell me why you still want your diapers?” At age 3 he was a very verbally articulate kid and he looked at me as he clutched a clean diaper in his hand and said “Diapers feel like love.” I realized in that moment that diapers ARE love. They both feel more secure than the sudden loose freedom of underwear and necessitate an intimacy between caregiver and child when the diaper is being changed. It was a few moments during the day that I was totally focused on caring for him. I was then able to have a conversation with him about how diapers did mean love but underwear could still have love too. I could sit with him in the bathroom and I would still be with him to help wipe and wash hands together. One week later he said he was ready for underwear and we never looked back.